So many of the men that I talk to complain about online dating. Take my cab driver Neil. Lovely guy, very witty, a heart of gold but a total failure at the online dating game.
“I just can’t meet the right woman”, he complains. “None of the ones that I show interest in reciprocate and I just don’t like the ones who contact me”.
We talked further and after 20 minutes of intense questioning, we got to the nub of the problem. 52 year old Neil was searching for a woman no older than 35. She had to look the part (in his case this was tall, thin and blonde), have similar interests to him and have no baggage. Sorry to say it Neil but how dull and predictable can you get? Practically every man who is failing at the online dating game reads from a similar script and the words that I hear again and again are “I don’t want her to have any baggage”.
I detest the word baggage. It is so negative! Baggage should be replaced by life experience and a woman with life experience can only be all the better for it. So what if she’s divorced? She will have learnt some valuable life lessons and know what she really wants from a man. She has children? Who cares! Doesn’t that just add to who she is? Speaking from my own experience, I can tell you that motherhood has made me far more selfless and rounded as a person. Oh and what if she doesn’t have long blonde hair and boobs that make your eyes pop? Beauty does not equal happiness. Yes you need to feel attracted to her but please don’t limit yourself by searching for your image of the perfect woman. She doesn’t exist. As far as shared interests go, it is great to have things in common but a woman who has other hobbies and passions is all the more interesting for it. Wouldn’t it be dull to do EVERYTHING together?
It’s at this point that I introduce you to my two week online dating challenge. It’s very simple. All you need to do is change your search criteria for a period of two weeks. Don’t focus on age, appearance or look for a woman who only likes the things that you do. Widen the search and then reply to every woman who gets in touch. Give the women a chance, agree to a date and keep an open mind. If your first date is good but not perfect, see her again and then perhaps again. Once you have really got to know the woman in question make your decision.
Love is not always instant fireworks and passion. Sometimes it takes time for it to grow and if you are willing to keep an open mind and stop looking for perfection, you may be surprised at how quickly you are forming a relationship with a great woman.